Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Big People's School VS. First Grade Math - It's A Toss Up---

Well- school has actually started, but I am still doing NOTHING> I mean, I don't have any classes, work-study, NOTHING> GEEZUS~~I keep reminding myself that thesis means research and work and more work, but it is just not sinking in. Oh, I have plenty of research, but it is strictly from personal experience and not from straight-forward facts and etc. The big project will be trying to find people to interview for this documentary. Being an abuse victim isn't just something you want to sit around talking about all the time or something that you promote publicly. Believe me - it's something you don't even want to put in to words because it seems too real. Even though it seems more real than me sitting here typing this. Hopefully I can present this film/study in a way where it is understood that something will change, for the better. So a little background on this? MY thesis requires utter close examination in to a dark part of my own life, while also learning about the experiences of others as well. I might just keep an entirely different blog on this. If you read the intro post on here, you know that I was at one point involved in an abusive relationship. I was beaten, raped, tortured and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Included in this project is a timeline of abuse, escape and reclamation. I don't really want to air a bunch of deep horrible experiences right here, but what is involved is a close-up of the cycle from different people's experiences. What's going to happen this semester, I'm not sure. But I've got some friends in the law library on campus that I know I can get some expert help from and a few other sources that can put in the right direction. I am also in contact with some abuse hotlines and some women's groups. I guess I'll have to see what comes next. Advisor POWWOW tomorrow.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Mom- I know you are reading this...

SO when you DO read some of these things, please feel free to call and give me detailed insight on how you feel about them. DO refrain from handing out information to Mammaw, Braden or whoever else might be strategically unnecessary in the scheme of what our lives entail. I , of course will hang on your every word, overzealously agree and will do exactly as you say forthwith.

Actually- you can expect the eye-rolling, heavy-sighing and breathing through the phone that you normally get as a response, even though I am listening to most of what you say. Don't think I don't respect you. I do. That's for sure, but take it from this perspective: I am RO-bot, and although I know you are my bestest friend, you are still my mother. And that is what RO-bot thinks of me. We are the bestest of friends, but I am still her mother, and a goober, as are you. So let's just accept the fact that we will always be a big bunch of nerds and our children will subconsciously hear our guides vibrations as they descend out of the cosmos.

My head hurts-

I love you, MOm.

(for anyone else reading this, pretend like you were sitting in a restaurant and overheard a cheesy, embarrassing conversation between a mother and daughter and go back to eating your damn spring mix with balsamic vinegar and EVOO.)

Friday, January 06, 2006

Nipple Piercing and Breastfeeding: INSIGHT

I cancelled my appointment for getting my nipples pierced in July 1998. I found out I was pregnant. AND I wanted to breastfeed. I couldn't find anyone with any knowledge of the effects, so I forewent the piercing altogether. Recently, thanks to the glory of the internet, I have found some insight into this. Anybody that is pierced already need not necessarily worry and if you want to do this, this goes for you as well. I have added a few links for you to read. Now, about those nipples-must reschedule.....

from the midwife
and of course...La Leche League

A World Crushed Beneath My Feet @ approx. 7:31 a.m.

Polly Pocket, I cry for you. You have so carefully arranged your shopping schedules and horseback riding picnics and fashion shows each afternoon. Your tiny shoes and your tiny feet and your perfect blonde locks and your itsy-bitsy sweater sets and your perfect pets ( all with their own tiny little matching sweater/shoe ensembles.) I cry for you because now I have to lay down on the couch and pull each little spike of plastic out of my foot, stop the bleeding, sweep you into a pile and restrain myself from throwing you all in the trash compactor. I cry because I have to lay you out across the Formica table and try and glue you all back together before RO-bot gets home from school. I cry because I have to pretend as if I didn't enjoy destroying the capitalistic bullshit society that I have crushed beneath my feet, hold back the satisfaction of ending what complete ignorance you stand for in this world. And my coffee has gotten cold. Damn.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Guerilla MOM Notes: stardate 01-05-06

SO- today has been a good example in the life of Me and the RO-bot. As I wait patiently for the release of my financial aid for grad school, keeping my on and off cursing at the world and the gods/godesses and the university and the whos and whozits, I walk straight in the door, trip over some "air" and spill a large coffee right into my laptop. Of course. This is my life. RO-bot and I just made it to school and I was ready to get at the TO-DO list, but that just put me down for the day.

ME (Guerilla Mom) and RO-bot (6 year-old daughter robot) on a journey out of hell and into the bright shining world again. Three years ago, I walked out of my house with one three year old daughter, one diaper, one laptop and five dollars. This is why we are still alive.

We've been abused,stalked and harrassed by my ex, forgotten and made fools of by lawyers, screamed at by judges, walked on by the Department of Human Services, eaten or not eaten, homeless, and yet we are still here and we will not give in. SO- if you cant handle us, get lost. If you want advice from experience or just someone to talk to about options, states NOT to live in, how to buy food with $6.43 for two people, underground garage rock scene, why not to buy polly pockets, record collecting, or anything- that's what we are here for.